The Rupture

I am sorry I have not answered your emails. Please forgive me the unreturned voice messages. I have been in hiding these last few days. The world did not end. And, I misunderstood. I was in my bunker all weekend because I thought they said the raptors were on there way. This was not the first time my command of the English language nearly got me in trouble.

Dictionary.com tells me that the basic definition of rapture is "ecstatic joy or delight; joyful ecstasy". It further states "the Rapture, (in) Theology, is the experience anticipated by some fundamentalist Christians, of meeting Christ midway in the air upon his return to earth."

Now, since I went this far to waste my time, I looked up raptor as well. Raptor's origin is from the early 1600s and refers to "one who seizes by force, robber".  Which now takes us to the infamous preacher Harold Camping. Apparently, where I lack in language he lacks in math and perhaps, honesty. TV and newspaper reports indicate that those followers of his who were duped into donating as much as their entire life savings to Camping's ministry just days ago will not get it back.
Raptor indeed.

I have their money