30 Day Writing Challenge: Pressure

What is pressure? I thought of several ways to approach this topic. Pressure to complete this task. Pressure to meet expectations of others. Pressure from my girlfriend ;) I could not come up with an appropriate story or anecdote for Day 6 of the 30 Day Writing Challenge. In researching I started reading various quotes on Pressure and this is what I found.

Great minds comprehend more in a word, a look, a pressure of the hand than ordinary men in long conversations, or the most elaborate correspondence.
Johann Kaspar Lavater


Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright


When you take a drug to treat high blood pressure or diabetes, you have an objective test to measure blood pressure and the amount of sugar in the blood. It is straight-forward. With autism, you are looking for changes in behaviour.
Temple Grandin

Pressure is when you play for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket.
Lee Trevino

Beer Pressure

There is a great deal of political pressure to only talk about abstinence, and to deny support for condoms and education on using them. This policy will lead to the unnecessary deaths of many people.
Hillary Clinton

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran, killed 20 men, then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
Dwight Shcrute, The Office, Episode: The Fight (2005)


Some other things I don't miss: the media and the pressure of just being asked to do, and being asked questions every day.
Pedro Martinez


Yeah that's right. I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help. And if I have to I'd pee on any one of you. Only, I couldn't... I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was just too much pressure. So, so I turned to Chandler.
Chandler Bing, Friends, Episode: The One with the Jellyfish (1997)

"Serenity now! Serenity now!"
"What is that?"
"The doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say 'serenity now!'"
"Are you supposed to yell it?"
"The man on the tape wasn't specific."
Frank Costanza and Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Episode "The Serenity Now" (1997)

Full of Hot Air Pressure

Mike and Nicky over at We Work for Cheese have forced invited us to participate in this 30 Day Creative Writing Challenge . Today is Day 6, the theme is Pressure. Here are some of the other participants.

Babs - beetle   Barb   Ellie Belen   If I were God...   injaynesworld   Laughing Mom   Leeuna   Linda M.   Linda   Mike "I'll see you in hell" WJ   Mike   MikeWJ   MsDarkstar   NathanaelV   nodancedufus   P.J.   Sandra   Shawn @ Stubborn Fool   Shoot Me Now and Pee!   thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com   Unfinished Person   Ziva

More Funny Quotes

I am a little late publishing this list. It is a summary of the best tweets, quotes and status updates of the last few months of 2011. Speaking of which you can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, feedburner... click the buttons to the right. August was a busy month. I will put out a best of 2012 in a couple more months. You can find my other funny quote lists here and here.

Well, I've eaten all of my work snacks so now I hate it here.
@AlisonAgosti April 2011

“My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said 'Just wait.'”
Judy Tenuta unknown date

My Wife brings me so much joy...
Sorry typo, Wifi.
@PatheticPaul May 2011

My favorite Armenian-American reality show? "Keeping Up with the Kevorkians!" But every episode had the same ending.
Mo Rocca August 2011

To celebrate Shark Week I'll be attacking surfers then claiming I mistook them for harbor seals.
@DaveSFoley  August 2011

I don't want to complete you - I want you to come complete.
@SarahKSilverman August 2011

Next step in my being an amazing husband/father: reading aloud to my children. They love James Michener.
@michaelianblack August 2011

You lost me at "You had me at..."
@clarkekant August 11

I just want people to accept me for who I pretend to be.
@yoyoha August 2011

If we had gender equality we'd ALL give birth through our ass. And no more Men from Mars and Women from Venus, everyone would be from Uranus.
@dietredbull September 2011

If you vote against Obama because he can't get stuff done, it's kinda like saying, "this guy can't cure cancer. I'm gonna vote for cancer."
@bazecraze September 2011

"The secret to happiness is giving up all hope of a better past."
Anonymous

I'm planning to go around Yom Kippur services telling women, "I'm hungry... FOR LOVE"
@ApocalypseHow October 2011

The thing I like most about sex is the vagina part.
@wrongorange October 2011

Apparently Kim Kardashian realized that she was married to someone who would marry Kim Kardashian.
@cornlog October 2011

How's everyone holding up? It's crazy out there. I've killed like fifteen zombies already. Why are they all carrying candy?
-Anonymous Halloween Facebook status update October 2011

So...on Monday do we all go back to hating each other?
@joshwolfcomedy Christmas Eve

Stay tuned for more funny quotes, comments, updates of 2012.

Best Of... Holiday Classics

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. For Christmas day filler, what better way to complete the day then with a Christmas themed post? Here are some stories I wrote specifically with this time of year in mind.

Click the titles on the post you want to view.

Let us start off with suggestions I came up with to while the day away in...Things to do On Christmas Day When You Don't Celebrate Christmas

If you are celebrating today, a believer or non believer, Santa may be resting this very morning, but he still has some toys left over in his sack. It's not too late to write to Santa. So send Santa a letter with your gift wish for this year, or get a head start on next year by filling out the comment section. I guarantee speedy delivery for all letters...

Letters to Santa - Speedy Delivery Service

What's the holiday season without music? There is something about Christmas music that provides a poignant soundtrack to the celebrations and festivities.

Here is a new Christmas song called...Santa Stole My Lady

And if you are into the classics, and don't mind a friendly spoof, here is  Will Ferrel and John C. Reilly doing their version of the David Bowie, Bing Crosby classic Peace on Earth / Little Drummer Boy... 

Little Drummer Boy

Are you planning on going shopping on Boxing Day? Need some tips for dealing with the lines, the angry shoppers, the helpful and not so helpful clerks?

Than watch this video on one of the best shopping pranks ever...

Shopping Prank

Or if you just want a chuckle, here are some of the ...

Funniest Quotes of the Year

just a few of the tweets and Facebook status updates that I fell on during the year. I will he putting out a new one in the next few days. Part 1, Part 2.

Funniest Quotes of the Year

Here is part two of the best and funniest quotes of the year. Thus far. (Part 1 is here). Not exactly a top ten list, but a list of the funniest tweets, comments and funny status updates I have seen on the internet, be it the Facebook or the MySpace or the Twitter.

Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.

Joshua Allen 2009

Guys want to have sex with our boobs now? When did vaginas get so boring?

Whitney Cummings April 2011

Why did the 4 babies get thrown out of the bar? Cause they're just 4 stupid fucking little babies. Shitty fucking babies.

Louis C.K. March 2011

I just want to wish everyone happy holidays for december of 2007. I didn't have twitter then.

Louis C.K. April 2011

Looking good naked is such a gift. Can't wait till your birthday!

Mitch Fatel May 2011

I went through (a) phase where I only had sex with Mexican guys. God, I loved my señor year.

Morgan Murphy May 2011

Alec Baldwin for Mayor of NYC? If he runs as Jack Donaghy - I'll send a check right fucking now.

Denis Leary June 2011

To speak in my dad's computer language, I'd like to wish him a FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Happy Father's Day!

Jenny Johnson June 2011

It's hard to imagine that before electricity, people had to check Twitter by candlelight.

Robin McCauley June 2011

Thinking about going to my high school reunion so people can see that you don't need to be married or have kids to be depressed.

Robin McCauley June 2011

Yesterday was longest day of the year, not just because of the Summer Solstice but because I had to have lunch with my girlfriend’s parents.

Jimmy Carr June 2011

Can you believe Tom Cruise is nearly 49? Sorry, I mean 4’ 9”.

Jimmy Carr June 2011

The best thing about arguments is the make up sex.

That's why I hate arguments with my parents.

Unknown

Quotes of the Year : Best So Far

Browsing through various Tweets and Facebook status updates I have here the funniest quotes of 2011. I was going to wait until the middle of the year to post this but there are just too many funny quotes. I will publish another list in a few months. I grabbed these from people I follow on Twitter or in one or two cases from Facebook status updates. Speaking of which you can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, feedburner... click the buttons to the right.

"Children shouldn't talk to strangers. Not because strangers are dangerous, but because children are incapable of meaningful conversations."
Alison Agosti January 1

"Great idea for CNN, who's tanking and who's demo is 90% elderly: Replace all programming w videos of grandchildren."
Sarah Silverman January 18

"The cashier at Costco asked me "wanna box?" so I punched her in the face. I don't know what she was crying about, she started it."
Glenn Mallen Feb 8

"Can’t wait to watch the Superbowl tomorrow. GO ROUGH RIDERS!"
Steve Martin Feb 12

"Justin Bieber is on our Valentine’s Day show tonight! So legally, Andy has to sit 50 feet from the couch."
Conan O'Brien Feb 14

"Computers may beat us at Jeopardy, but us humans are still better at racism and smoking."
Seth MacFarlane Feb 23

"Would you freak out if I told you I was tweeting this from inside your closet?"
Conan O'Brien Feb 24

"My thoughts and prayers are with Charlie Sheen tonight, as he's been diagnosed with Full Blown Busey."
Sarah Silverman March 3

"Great, I just texted my uncle that I’m still mad he “roped” me. Thanks a lot, AutoCorrect!"
Seth MacFarlane March 4

"Puppy Mill is too cutesy for what it is. It's like saying hawacaust."
Sarah Silverman March 29

"A guy cut me off in traffic, and I called him a stupid f***. My kids asked what that meant, and I told them it means he can’t f***ing drive."
Conan O'Brien April7

"The NBA playoffs are about to begin and no one is more excited than the Cavs who can finally stop losing."
Norm Macdonald April 14

"Someone should make a beer called Mondays, then getting a case of the Mondays would not be so bad."
Beer Advocate April 19

Click here for part two.