Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Friday

Gifts For the Person Who Has Everything

It can be a very trying time, buying gifts for all our friends and family during the Christmas and holiday season. There is always that one person who you just can't figure out. Maybe its the man who has everything. Maybe it's the picky lady in your life. Here I have a list of gift ideas for those difficult to shop for people.

Christmas Gift Ideas
  1. Dot matrix printing paper
  2. Micro-cassettes for your answering machine
  3. One month free TELEX service
  4. One year membership at Blockbuster
  5. A box of floppy disks
  6. Simpson's gift card
  7. A PalmPilot
  8. A box of two colour Typewriter ribbon
  9. A Digital Audio Tape Player
  10. One free Landau roof installation
  11. Half price off your next ten McDonald's pimmas pizzas
  12. A case of Burma-shave
  13. 10,000 Frequent flyer points aboard Eastern Airlines
  14. Montreal Expos Season Tickets
  15. Five free gallons of leaded gasoline
  16. Chrome BASF audio cassettes
  17. A pair of North Star running shoes
  18. Four game cartridges for their Intellivision system
  19. Ten shares of Nortel stocks
  20. A $50 gift certificate at Montgomery Ward
  21. Season three of Benson on Betamax



Christmas Candy

The holidays are upon us and it is the time of merriment, joy and gift giving. Gift exchanges at the office or with the family can be particular harrowing and bothersome, as budget constraints sometimes get in the way. Or, let's face it, oddball people give oddball gifts. Included in those gifts are those weird boxes of chocolate you do not want for Christmas. Following is a list of the strangest candies I have ever received.

Christmas Chocolate Surprise


  • Mallomar Avocado Centre
  • Pickles and Cream
  • Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of Chicken
  • White Chocolate with Ground Beef Centre
  • Old Fashioned Taffy with Spinach Flavouring
  • Chocolate Dipped Sardines
  • Caramilk Caviar
  • Windex Pecan
  • Spaghetti and Marshmallow
  • Confetti
  • Glazed Strawberry Sauerkraut
  • Caramel Mint Toothpaste
  • Cream of Mushroom Brûlée
  • Milk of Magnesia
  • Bacon and Nougat
  • Chocolate Mouse
  • Peaches and Crayon


Sunday

Best Of... Holiday Classics

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. For Christmas day filler, what better way to complete the day then with a Christmas themed post? Here are some stories I wrote specifically with this time of year in mind.
Click the titles on the post you want to view.

Let us start off with suggestions I came up with to while the day away in...Things to do On Christmas Day When You Don't Celebrate Christmas

If you are celebrating today, a believer or non believer, Santa may be resting this very morning, but he still has some toys left over in his sack. It's not too late to write to Santa. So send Santa a letter with your gift wish for this year, or get a head start on next year by filling out the comment section. I guarantee speedy delivery for all letters...

What's the holiday season without music? There is something about Christmas music that provides a poignant soundtrack to the celebrations and festivities.
Here is a new Christmas song called...Santa Stole My Lady

And if you are into the classics, and don't mind a friendly spoof, here is  Will Ferrel and John C. Reilly doing their version of the David Bowie, Bing Crosby classic Peace on Earth / Little Drummer Boy... 

Are you planning on going shopping on Boxing Day? Need some tips for dealing with the lines, the angry shoppers, the helpful and not so helpful clerks?
Than watch this video on one of the best shopping pranks ever...

Or if you just want a chuckle, here are some of the ...
just a few of the tweets and Facebook status updates that I fell on during the year. I will he putting out a new one in the next few days. Part 1, Part 2.

Tuesday

Little Drummer Boy

The folks at Funny or Die put together another great video for Christmas. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly do their spoof of the David Bowie, Bing Crosby classic Peace on Earth / Little Drummer Boy. I do not go for the Xmas music but if I had to pick one song, one rendition, it would be the Crosby - Bowie song, not the lyrics but the song itself. 
Doesn't hurt that I was always a big fan of Bowie. Rumour is that on the same show that Crosby and Bowie recorded the song, they also did a rendition of Heroes.


Sunday

Black Friday Shopping Prank

This made laugh out loud. I've watched it twice and laughed both times. On Black Friday two guys go into a store and attempt to buy an insane list of nonsensical shopping items. The catch is, they don't know what is coming up on the list. The best part is when they themselves are trying not to crack up. 

I am getting my list together just in time for Christmas. Anybody want to go shopping with me?

Santa Stole My Lady

Fitz and the Tantrums

Some new Christmas music for you. Soul/Pop sextet Fitz and the Tantrums' latest song is this Christmas tune Santa Stole My Lady. I missed my opportunity to see them when they were here performing at the Montreal International Jazz Festival in June of 2011, only discovering them after the fact. I keep asking when they are coming back but so far I have not received word.

Saturday

Things to do On Christmas Day When You Don't Celebrate Christmas


There are many people out there who do not celebrate Christmas. Many people do not consider that Christmas is not an American or Canadian holiday but a religious holiday. What do you do on Christmas Day when you do not partake in the festivities? My first thought? Nothing. Even the places that are usually open 24 hours are closed. But there in fact plenty of things to do on Christmas Day. Here lies a list of things to do on Christmas when you do not celebrate Christmas.


2) Volunteer. (I only thought of this one after I completed my list, and had to renumber everything. I needed one serious item. This is important. There are many community service organizations, outreach groups, soup kitchens and hospitals that need volunteers every day.)
3) Visit friends who celebrate Christmas.
4) Visit friends who do not celebrate Christmas.
5) Visit friends who celebrate Christmas because they probably have better food and are likely stocked up with alcohol and may have an extra gift for you.
6) Sulk.
7) Go to Chinatown. The restaurants are open today.
8) Go to a halal restaurant.
9) Why are kosher restaurants closed on Christmas? (I am not referring to this year. It is Saturday today after all)
10) Sulk some more.
11) There is at least one restaurant in Montreal that stays open 24 hours a day and never closes, Christmas, New Year's or otherwise. So, if you can stomach Chenoy's, your typical Canadian style eatery/ deli, you've got it made. But I warn you, never, ever order a milkshake at Chenoy's. Trust me on this one.
12) Go see a movie. The theaters open in the evening.
13) Leave the country. This isn't a last minute type of idea. You should have thought of this in advance.
14) Leave the country and do the 11 other things that proceed it on the list. Or sit on a beach, etc.
15) Go skiing or tobogganing.

In my previous life working for the radio station, I would volunteer to work on Christmas Day. First of all, I would get paid time-and-a-half. Second, I had no where else to go. Third, my boss would really appreciate my seemingly altruistic behavior, as, I usually threw in that my colleagues would probably want to spend time with their families whereas I did not need to, etc. Fourth, I knew that just for working on the 25th, they would automatically give New Year's Day off. Imagine starting your shift at midnight on New Year's Day. Or at 6AM. So I always had New Year's Day off.
A friend of mine would throw a party every year on Christmas Eve. He called it the Orphan and Jews Party. As he had moved to Montreal to attend university and never left, he had no family within a six hour radius. He recognized that many of his friends under similar circumstances did not have anyone with whom to celebrate. Throw in a few Jewish friends who were stuck reading lists of things to do on Christmas and you have a party. It was usually a potluck dinner with a couple cases of beer. Hmm... I didn't get an invite this year.

So, as today is just like any other Saturday for me, I'm going to drink coffee, read the newspaper, watch True Grit (the original) on TV, go to my parents for lunch, and meet up with some friends tonight just as the world starts turning back to normal.
Or go to a Matzo Ball Party

Sunday

Office Girls Gone Wild

Another office Holiday party is in the books. That makes it two down and two to go. First there was the department managers' party, then last night was the company party, next is the department party and then there is the company wide managers' party. That is a lot of food and alcohol and a lot of money that could be better spent elsewhere. Three of the four parties are paid for by the company. I am hoping they will be as generous with the end of year pay raises.
no, not me
The plan last night was to show my face, have a drink, say hi to everyone and head on my way. I figured two hours would be sufficient. I really was not expecting much in the way of fun, I also have a personal rule against partying with coworkers. I have witnessed it time and time again, the abuse of boundaries at work parties. I have always been of the belief that a certain restraint must be shown amongst coworkers and the people you have to face on the Monday morning after. We work so hard at building up our careers why throw out this hard earned image in one night?
Friends are friends and colleagues are colleagues. That being said, the two hours somehow rolled into six hours. I type this slightly slow and slightly tired today. Sunday is a good day to do nothing. I did not abuse the boundaries, just my liver.


*** I think this is worth an update. It's Monday and the emails and stories are spreading throughout the office. Remember the days we would pose for pictures because we only had 24 exposures in the roll? Digital camera allow us to snap hundreds of shots without worry of waste. I recall seeing at least three digital cameras at the party and others snapping pics on their phones. You're on candid camera. I received no less than 180 photos in my email this morning. Some are the usual posing for photos, some are of people dancing or hugging, others are of the 'what's he going to tell his wife' or 'is that so-and-so lying on the floor' variety.

So far I've only seen two pictures where I am the victim subject and in both I am posing with some colleagues in some sort of huddle. I think I am off the hook.

Wednesday

Letters to Santa - Speedy Delivery Service


Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming! It's time to write your letter to Santa. With just a short time until the winter wonderland is upon us I have contacted the North Pole and set up a direct link to Santa's elves. Simply fill out the comment section and your Christmas wish list will be forwarded to Santa Claus. I guarantee swift and speedy delivery of all your letters to Santa. Just start it off with a Dear Santa and leave the rest to me.
I have conducted some research and pooled my resources with good old Saint Nick, this is the fastest way of getting your letters to Santa Claus. No mail strike will stop this delivery. So with a Ho Ho Ho, with Sleigh Bells Ringing, I'll be home for Christmas. And don't tell anyone if you saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Whether this is your first noel, or if you are taking a sleigh ride with jingle bells, this Christmas make sure you spend the Twelve Days of Christmas in Toyland.

Tell your kids, or send a letter yourself. You know Santa Claus is coming to town, he's making a list and (from what I hear) checking it twice, fill out the comment form below, and you should get something nice.
From left to right, Frosty, Santa