Hockey Pool Trash Talk

The long NHL season is finally over. For those of you who entered into a hockey pool in this 2012 season it's time to collect your winnings or, to pay up. In my case, it's about collecting all that hard earned money. Because, you see, I finished in first place. I won.

I destroyed the competition and humiliated my opponents.

We started this pool some six years ago. It was an offshoot of another pool that started two decades ago. Some of these guys I have known since my university days. Some I have only met in the last couple years. Whichever way you slice it, I beat their sorry asses. And now on to the trash talking.

Peter is one of the originals, we go way back some 20 something years. Peter finished in second place. He wins silver. He won the second place prize. So what does this mean? It means that Peter is the number one loser. Imagine if Andrei Markov had played half the season. You could have won. You have the foresight of an NHL G.M.. Too bad it's that of Pierre Gauthier.

Ralph is another old-timer who has been around since the beginning. Always the bridesmaid and never the bride, Ralph finishes in third place. He may have won before. I can't remember. It doesn't matter. You know why? Because I won this year. Every single one of those three points that P.A. Parenteau scored for you were hard earned points.

Dave was in first place. Once. A long time ago. On October 20th. Two weeks into the season. Your team was not bad this year. It just wasn't good enough to win any money.

Rob? Serious? A rookie as your first overall pick? This isn't 1984. Super Mario is long gone. Red Wings in final round? Excellent choice.

Ian, perhaps the burden of marriage and children have effected your winning ways. Or not. But that was some good food on draft night. For every lousy Chris Pronger and Matt Duchene pick, you did take Philadelphia in the final round.

I will take it easy on Shaun. Even though he spells his name wrong. This was his first year in a hockey draft. This man knows hockey. All it takes is for you to do your homework and prepare. That way, next year, after every second pick you won't hear each of us ask "Who?' or, "Isn't he playing in the Swedish Elite League this year?"

Ric, Ric, Ric. The season started on October 6th. You were in first place on October 7th. You dropped out of contention on October 8th. Injuries decimated your team. We will still let you back next year.

Now where's my money? I have to start preparing for the 2013 NHL hockey season. 

Hockey Pool Final Standings

Overzealous Censorship - When a Cock Isn't Really a Cock

The boys over at Hockey Trade Rumors are doing a real fine job. I visit the site every so often to check out the latest rumours from the hockey world. I hate the pop up adds and the team lineups are not up to date but, the site is updated regularly for content by the hosts and the contributors. Leading up to free agent frenzy or the trade deadline you may find some news of worth. The site's automated censor though, is just a bit overzealous. The headline that should read "Devils Haven't Contacted Hitchcock About Coaching Job" is, well, cock free. Ken Hitchcock's name has been censored by an automated and stupid censor gun. Censorship gone wild. I posted the screenshot just in case they decide to update the site. I couldn't find a search box so I am wondering what happened to Cory Pecker and Bill Quackenbush.  

Hockey Trade Rumors 

The Bigger They Are The Harder They'll Fall

Too tired to rant and rave on the fiasco that is the NHL I begged a pleaded for assistance. And lo, a hero comes. Guest blogger and all round swell guy Joe Bunga to the rescue. My personal take is that since the NHL did not punish Zdeno Chara for his hit on Max Pacioretty, the Canadiens must exact revenge. Here is Bunga's take.

Cheap-Shot Chara by Joe Bunga

Chara

Look, in interviews after the game, Chara said he didn't mean to rub Pacioretty out like an eraser on the end of a lead pencil. However, the not-so-gentle giant made an excuse that Max "jumped" up and therefore insinuated that it was the victim's fault that he smashed noggin' first into the stanchion. Really Zdeno? REALLY?! Hey, tall goon ass, it's that type of "check" that gives hockey a bad name. Forget for the moment that it wasn't a clear "headshot", forget that you didn't try to hipcheck him or just skate with him (and on that note, the puck was nowhere in play, hence the interference penalty... so what the fuck were you doing lining him up for a massive hit along the boards anyway, you big putz?) no, instead you directed him oh-so-gently into a wall. Oh, and if you're going to sit there and tell me from your gigantic head that you didn't know where you were on the ice when you hit Max, then I bet you also believe that the Easter Bunny farts monkeys out of its butt and that Santa Claus is really Muslim.

Y'know, it's cement heads like you that are killing the game. How many parents do you think want to let their kids watch crap like that, let alone consider letting them play competitively knowing their offspring have a good chance of losing a vertebrae or two because some behemoth troll decides it makes sense to play like an idiot?

And to the league officials who decided that neither fine nor suspension were merited for this normal "hockey play", I have one finger for you. it's just a couple down from my pinky. Morons.

Zdeno Chara Strikes Again

If real violence makes you squeamish, do not click play. This is all Zdeno Chara's fault.

An unconscious Max Pacioretty following Zdeno Chara's gutless attack. No suspension.

The Great One

When I found out it was Wayne Gretzky's birthday yesterday I didn't think much of it. I read a couple paragraphs over my morning coffee and went on with my day. It didn't cross my mind again until my drive home from work listening to the Team 990 all sports radio station. Mitch Melnick had a couple guests speaking about their experiences covering the Gretzky era of the NHL. The interview started triggering my very own memories of The Great One.

Gretzky was the most dominant hockey player, for the longest period of time. This made him the greatest player ever. My biggest memory of The Great One is not about what he did on the ice but what he did off the ice and goes back to when he was first starting out.

Gretzky had built a reputation for himself in his first year in the WHA. In the NHL he became the legend that his is today. 1981 marked the third year in professional hockey for the 20 year old and with his name finally becoming one of renown, his second career as a spokesman was launched. As an impressionable kid in 1981 I had heard of Gretzky, heard everyone talking about him and had seen him play hockey on TV. And then I saw his TV ad for GWG Scrubbies jeans.
Wayne Gretzky wears GWG Scrubbies? Gretzky is cool. I need a pair of GWG Scrubbies. As the tag line said, GWG Scrubbies fit wear it counts.
Within moments of seeing the ad I ran upstairs and told my mom that I wanted GWG Scrubbies. I needed GWG Scrubbies. She questioned why GWG all of a sudden? I told her that I heard that they were good jeans and popular. I was surprised as all hell when my mom bought me a pair.

So, it was back to school and after a couple months of wondering why I was the only one wearing GWG Scrubbies it suddenly dawned on me, GWG Scrubbies aren't cool. And Gretzky? Not so much either. And I was stuck with a pair of GWGs. Who cares if they fit where it counts?! And to make matters worse, I didn't grow much that year and was stuck with the same pair for both semesters.

More time passed and it hit me that good old Wayne was a geek. A great athlete but a geek. 1982 brought the Mats Naslund era to Montreal and Gretzky commercials no longer spoke to me. What's more the only local hockey related ads on TV starred the long retired Maurice Richard. And I wasn't in the market for Grecian Formula. I was able to recognize that Gretzky was a great talent but it was a little overkill. And, above all, he didn't play for Montreal.

Later, much later, my opinion of Gretzky changed again. When the news spread of him dating, and then later marrying Janet Jones, hmm... maybe he was cool. But that's still no excuse for making me buy GWG Scrubbies.

 I can't find the English language version

Hardest Hockey Slapshot. Ever.

A hockey goaltender stands on his head blocking every shot coming his way. And then comes the hardest slapshot ever. Let's see Zdeno Chara try this.

Disaster in Montreal

Montreal Downtown Skyline

What can cause all the radio stations in Montreal to halt their regular programming? What can occur that would cause our local TV stations to lead off with the same breaking news story? What can happen that my entire staff stopped working to search the internet for more details on a news story?

Was there a plane crash? Was there a terrorist attack? Did the Olympic Stadium implode? Did the Decarie Expressway collapse? Did the ancient volcano beneath Mount Royal awaken? Did Montreal Island sink?

No. No to all of the above.

The city stopped dead in its tracks because the Montreal Canadiens hockey club made a trade.

Goaltender Jaroslav Halak was traded by the Montreal Canadiens to the St. Louis Blues for two forwards. This event caused the city to stand still.

Is this an unprecedented event? Hell no. Do the Richard Riots ring a bell? Hear about Patrick Roy needing surgery? Or when Roy demanded a trade? What about the numerous times the city cordoned off the downtown core because the Canadiens won a playoff round? Oh, wait, sorry, that was a playoff game.

Montreal is a glorious city. It's cultural and entertainment scene is vibrant. Its sports history is rich and celebrated. Jackie Robinson played for the Montreal Royals. The first non-American based Major League baseball team was created here. Sugar Ray Leonard fought Roberto Duran. The Canadiens have won 24 Stanley Cups. We've won, we have celebrated. Yet the world stops when a goalie gets traded.

Where the hell was this passion when our right to speak our mother-tongue in the work place was taken away from us? What the hell did you do when you were told you could not send your child to an English school? What are you doing about it today?

On trade deadline day earlier this year a colleague of mine left work early telling his boss he wasn't feeling well. In actual fact, he was too upset to work because the Canadiens did not make a trade on deadline day.

How can so many people lose perspective? Our roads are failing. Our hospitals are failing. Only a grandfather clause allows me to send my kids to an English language school. I love hockey. I love my city. But this is fucking ridiculous.