Driver's Licence

It's driver's licence renewal day. I have been putting it off for so long and it is set to expire in less than a month. Saturday morning at the department of motor vehicles, or as it is know here as the SAAQ not to be mixed up with the SAQ where you go to buy booze.

So, it opens at 9AM. Or so they say. Then why are there 30 people waiting here before 9? I am hoping some of these people queued in front of me are waiting at the wrong government office and actually supposed to be in line at the unemployment office downstairs.

Okay, now it is five past nine and they still aren't open.

Finally, 10 after nine and the doors open. Take a ticket, no pushing.

Only 21 people in front of me. "Now serving number 47." I am 68.

Shoot, I have to take a photo and I haven't shaved in two days. Oh well, its not like I show my driver's licence to many people. Only the cops who pull me over ever get to see it,

SAAQ

Oh, my neighbour is here. The one who keeps saying we should come over for a BBQ but doesn't actually tell us when.

Oh dang! She just saw me, she is coming over. Tippy toes. Tippy toes!

A little bit of chit chat. Oh, and isn't that nice. She just invited us over for a BBQ again. 

Really, I think it's just a matter of timing. Finding the time when we are all free. She travels for work, we have been moving around quite a bit lately. 

SAQ

I think I am paranoid. Every time I see the camera flash from someone getting their ID photo taken I start thinking, 'Who just took my picture!? What are they going to do with my photo?'

Twelve minutes and six people are done. I should be out within a 1/2 an hour.

What? Wait. I just read the sign. They do not accept credit cards? Since when? Oh. Right. Since always. Okay, I have my debit card.

One angry person with an international driver's licence not getting what he wants. The clerk doesn't know what to do. Call the supervisor.

Another angry person. They are calling the numbers too fast and she missed her turn for taking five seconds to get to the counter.

Suck

This is going really fast. Only seven in front of me. 

Wow! Check out that guy. Maybe I didn't shave for my photo but at least I am not wearing a crazy bright red shirt. Ow. I think it just gave me an aneurysm.

Ooh. I'm next.

Okay. Done. Now I can go wait in line at the bank.

Angry Driver

With my constant battle to maintain a calm demeanour on the open road, and efforts to avoid putting myself in situations that would aggravate my tendency towards road rage, I find myself using little tricks to gain inner peace. I find this certain satisfaction and, my rage dissipates.

First and foremost, if someone on the road cuts me off, offends me, drives dangerously or stupidly, I call them an idiot. Not out the window but within my vehicle with the windows rolled up. This allows me to purge my anger quite rapidly and prevents escalation.

At other times I take note of the offending driver and keep track of him for as long as I can. If I can track him long enough, I may eventually see the offending driver himself annoyed. And I am pleased.

For example, the other day I was driving along the highway at a clip of 70 km/hr (44mph). The speed limit is 100 (62 mph) but due to the traffic volume, the fast lane was moving at 70. The fool in the car behind me was tailgating, flashing his lights wanting me to move move over. There was no where for me to go. Cars in front of me weren't moving any faster, cars to the right had me pinned in. So I ignored him.

So, Mr. Light Flasher switched lanes, swerved around another car, moved to the slow lane, all in attempt to bypass traffic in the fast lane.

Coincidence or bad luck? Just as he moved over, the fast lane cleared up and the middle and slow lane got bogged down, pinning Mr. Light Flasher in a 40/km / hr (25 mph) lane. As I sped off into the distance, my anger satisfied, as I watched flasher light guy falling behind in the distance. Idiot.

Bad Drivers get their due

30 Day Writing Challenge: Behind the Wheel

Douglas Copeland's Life After God is a novel that tells a story of a voyage, in part, behind the wheel. The author refers to himself and Generation X as the first generation to be raised without god. The character struggles to find his own personal meaning to life.

The question is asked what is there to believe after god?

I tried piecing together where I was and what I was doing in 1994 or '95 when I first read the book and why it had such an impact. I read this book in a time when the road came a calling, held a romantic charm and as such, I frequently travelled. In my own way, I chose to equate what I read to my transition from being raised in and surrounded by organized religion and, once out on my own, my personal adaptation to my own personal beliefs. The novel supplied to me surprising moments of clarity and insight.

The loosely connected semi-autobiographical short stories are escapist adventures in which the twenty-something/ thirty-something year old narrator gets behind the wheel and hits the road in a quest for an understanding and finds a genuine spiritual experience filled with ruminations of wistfulness and gloom.


Coupland has a knack for packing an emotional punch in very few words. These are some of my favourite quotes from the novel.

"And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened."

"Sometimes you can't realize you're in a bad mood until another person enters your orbit."

"Time ticks by; we grow older. Before we know it, too much time has passed and we've missed the chance to have had other people hurt us. To a younger me this sounded like luck; to an older me this sounds like a quiet tragedy."

Douglas Coupland, Life After God

Mike and Nicky over at We Work for Cheese have forced invited us to participate in this 30 Day Creative Writing Challenge . Today is Day 4 , the theme is Behind the Wheel. Here are some of the other participants. 1. Mike  2. Unfinished Person  3. NoNameDufus  4. Babs - Beetle  5. Laughing Mom  6. Linda  7. P.J.  8. Ziva  9. Mike WJ  10. Linda M.  11. If I were god.  12. InJaynesWorld  

Idiot Drivers. Yes. You.

Some people piss me off. This time it's the drivers that are so fucking lazy they put lives at risk. Those fucktards who cannot be bothered to clear the snow or ice off their car. Yes, you, who just scrapes a 5"x5' hole to see out the windshield. Do you know, you lazy bastard, the snow flying off the roof of your car lands on the windshield of other cars?

If you are reading this and you see yourself, then smarten the fuck up. I saw someone just like you come close to killing someone last week. I waited until today to write this so I would calm down. Yes. This is me calmer.

A pile of snow from your stupid SUV/ mini van/ car/ truck flew off your roof and landed on someone's windshield. This lady's car swerved and spun out and luckily slid onto the paved shoulder. Luckily her baby was in a solid, secured seat and did not know what happened.
The driver? Not so lucky. She had a bloodied temple when she cracked her head on the driver side window. Yeah, she walked away. Yes. You are lucky.

Hey! How would you feel if you caused someone's death?

Remember this one? If I push you, you fall and get up and walk away, nothing happens. If I push you, you fall, crack your head and die, I go to jail. So, if you don't care about killing someone, think about getting buggered in prison.

Quit taking chances with other people's lives you @#^$!.

Bad Drivers