Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Saturday

A man walks into a bar and says...

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!"
Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!"
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"
The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

I've been away for a while. Not out of town away but away from writing. I had seven stories started and no ability to complete any of them. A few days away does a wonder of good. Not to mention the triple shot cafe latte I had at Starbucks about an hour ago. My brain is fired up. Let's see if I can sit still long enough to compose this post.

I usually drive my car to work but decided to take the metro the other day. By subway it takes me just short of an hour to get to the office. By car, about 40 minutes. I have done the calculations and weighed the benefits of car travel versus public transit.
In terms of cost on a monthly basis I would save money with public transportation. Not a lot, but some. A $70 pass compared to $50 for parking at work and the price of gasoline covering about 35 kilometres a day.
I suppose the greatest benefit would be to the environment. But at a loss of 30 minutes of my time each day, I would have to consider it a little more.

Now the reason I took the metro was because I was heading downtown with my colleagues for a team building event. Parking downtown ain't cheap, and since the team building event was taking place in a bar I figured it best if the car stayed home.
Six pints and some tequila proved me right.

Starting off in the morning I pictured a great story about the violence or crime I witnessed on the metro. Luckily for me, but unlucky for the story, I did not witness a crime. It is Montreal after all, and while not crime free, by North American standards, it remains pretty safe.

The best story I could muster, developed on the trek back. Sitting with three of my colleagues in the metro car, I started making fun of them for getting on the train heading in the wrong direction. As it turned out, I was the one heading in the wrong direction. It's not as bad as it sounds. Or maybe it is. I only went one stop out of my way.

Thursday

When All You Need Is a Punchline

Laugh
I got together with some friends the other day over coffee. My friend Peter told his son a joke. The joke was not funny. The punchline was. "They taste better when you get the poo out first."
It is one of those kickers that sticks in the mind. It got me thinking about other great punchlines.

A classic punchline is funny by itself, reminds you of a great joke, or is a classic for pure staying power. I wrote down the few that I could think of and listed them for you, all in alphabetical order. I know I am missing a lot. Help me out.

  • Because they taste funny
  • Chunks is my dog.
  • Do you have anything to stop this coffin?
  • He was looking for Pooh.
  • I don't even know her.
  • I was talking to the duck.
  • I'll have the soup.
  • No soap, radio.
  • No, I said grab the buoys.
  • No, I said she was fucking Goofy.
  • No, I told her she had acute angina
  • Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
  • That's not my finger.
  • That's what she said.
  • Then the doctor says, "OK, now it's my turn to cough!
  • To get to the other side.
  • We're the Aristocrats!
  • Wood eye!
  • You're Thor? My ath ith killing me.