How Do You Fix A Broken Pizza?

How Do You Fix A Broken Pizza? With tomato paste. Ba-dum-bum.

I am in search of a good pizza delivery. Because, really? Domino's? You suck. What the hell are you putting on your pizza? Is that cheese sauce? What the...? How the ...? It's absolutely vile.

In my old neighbourhood I had a few choices and one great pizza place. Anyone in Montreal, in and around the vicinity of where St.Laurent meets the Met, order from Pizza Roma. It's awesome. It's not a franchise. It's a good old fashioned pizza parlour.

After one year in my new place I am still searching. I've tried five restos so far and the results were disappointing. It only took two attempts before I found a good Chinese restaurant. One attempt, and I found my permanent Indian food supplier. Hamburgers? Well, I am five minutes from Harvey's, Burger King, McDonald's and Wendy's. I'm about fifteen minutes from the closest Dic Ann's.

The old neighbourhood was Little Italy. The new neighbourhood, towards the west side of the city is a little more, um, gentrified. More franchise oriented. But I have not given up. Nor will I. I have a couple more options before I even have to consider opening the phone book. I am willing to work at it. Every week if I have to. I am willing to deal with a few more stomach aches. I am willing to eat pizza week after week until I find that great pizza pie.

Pan Pizza

Delivery or Delicio?

Pizza the Hut

Pepperoni and green peppers  
Mushrooms olive, chives,  
Pepperoni and green peppers,  
Mushrooms olive, chives. 
-System of a Down 'Pizza Pie'

Soldiers of Fortune (Cookies)

Fortune Cookies - The best of both worlds. I like cookies. I like reading. After ordering Chinese food the other night I was reminded of the story of the Fortune Cookie. Despite never appearing in print or having been told before the title of the story deserves capital letters.

I went to a Chinese restaurant with some friends a while back. I can't remember what I ate. I do remember the food was good. After the meal we were served fortune cookies. They were authentic Chinese fortune cookies.

I am not superstitious by nature but I admit to an occasional pang of guilt when dealing with anything of the supernatural variety.  Yes, that's right. I wrote that. Fortune cookies are supernatural.

I question myself. Am I doing this right?

Is there a proper way of eating fortune cookies? I do not want to taint destiny. I do not know how fortune cookies work. Perhaps you are supposed to read your fortune and bury the cookie for the fortune to come true? Are you supposed to eat the cookie, throwing out the contents?

One of my friends opened his cookie and his fortune read 'You are Creative'. Or, 'You is Creative'. Either way, it was true. My other friend's cookie told him that he would travel. This was to come true.

Somehow I ended up with three fortunes in my one cookie. The first read, 'You love sports, horses and gambling but not to excess'. This was mostly true, except that I don't really like horses. So far this didn't sound like a fortune.

The second said, 'Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it'. Well, I've received, refused, and given advice, each time with varying degrees of success. And very little profit.

The last fortune was the most interesting. 'Your emotional nature is strong and emotional'. I read that and I was ecstatic.

'Your emotional nature is strong and emotional'. Is that not like saying 'My brown dog is brown?'

'What kind of brown dog is it? Oh, it's a brown, brown dog.'

I feel as if I am being taken advantage of by these fortune cookies. In my usual experience half of the cookies don't have fortunes and they taste papery.

When Fortunes are too Literal