An Open Letter To My Colleagues

An open letter to my colleagues. 

Anyone can pee on the toilet seat. That doesn't mean you should. Sir, if your aim is that bad why don't you sit down?

We already established in 1863 that filing your nails in the office was not professional. And clipping nails? Every few seconds we hear click click click, click click click. Not to mention the nail shrapnel landing on my desk.

Eating Fish is a healthy way of adding balance to your diet.  Smelly fish? Please warn us so we may evacuate the kitchen.

Office Etiquette

We all fart - but you have a problem. Please see your doctor.

And by the way, cologne smells nice. Too much cologne is worse than fart. 

And don't complain to me about your colleague until you look at yourself in the mirror.

This isn't about whether you should or shouldn't smoke.This is about not stinking up the office after you do smoke. Please wear a smoking jacket.

Also, your aggressive support of your favourite sports team is more suited to a sixteen year old. Additionally, your violent hate for your home team makes you a traitor. 

Back to bathrooms, please flush after. If you have food poisoning, I am really sorry. Flush during. 

Flossing your teeth is a sign of good hygiene. Flossing your teeth at your desk is a sign of poor hygiene.

You may talk to me but you must stay at least one step away from me. Any closer and you invade my personal space. If we are in the men's room, the minimum distance grows to six feet.

If you come up to me in the office and greet me with a hearty slap on the back I will make a joke and get back to work.  If you greet me in the bathroom with a hearty slap on the back, as soon as my pants dry, we are going to have issues.