I Hate Nickelback

I was driving home from work today and I reached a moment where I was able to verbalize a thought, a feeling that existed all along but of which I was never fully conscious. This awareness awoke and I was able to speak the words aloud, "I hate Nickelback". I was driving home from work listening to the Montreal Canadiens pregame show on the radio. As the games are broadcast on the AM band, I had to change the station as I entered the tunnel along my route. I flipped over to the local classic rock station on the FM band. Nickelback was playing.  Three seconds later, I changed the station back to the AM signal preferring to hear static over Nickelback. Static is better than Nickelback.

I hate Chad Kroeger's voice. I hate that I know his name. I hate that they are one of the most commercially successful modern Canadian bands. I hate that in 2009 Billboard Magazine named them to their Top 10 artists of the decade list.

What the hell kind of douchey look is this?

As a proud Canadian, I want all Canadians to succeed. There is a fierce feeling of pride when any Canadian is recognized. I can go one step further to say that if a Montrealer is recognized across Canada, I am thrilled. Alanis Morisette is from Ottawa and has been a huge success worldwide since Jagged Little Pill was released. I am a fan of Neil Young's music, I love Rush, they are Canadian. I don't like Anne Murray or Celine Dion but they are Canadian and I am proud of their success. But Murray and Dion can retire now, they have made their mark. Enough already. Nickelback? I want them to disappear. I want them to have never existed. I want their song Hero to removed from the Spider-Man soundtrack.

Here is a little test. All you need is a writing instrument and paper. And a hammer. Listen to five seconds of Nickelback. Take notes on your feelings. Be descriptive but brief. Now, take a hammer and smack yourself on the forehead. Take notes on your feelings. Take both items that you wrote and compare them. You will notice that in both, the end result is a throbbing headache.
And since you have the hammer you can now smash the Nickelback song to pieces. Even if it is an MP3. Since you have Nickelback on your player or PC or floating in iTunes, your system has been tainted and possibly infected by a virus that is only communicable through Nickelback music. The virus is called Packed.Generic.316.Nickelback. It is a trojan, virus, worm, malware, spam, backdoor, rootkit and tracking cookie all rolled into one. This variation of the virus is so powerful it is known to infect MAC and Linux systems simply by being within audio range.

I hate Nickelback.